Life Choices

"CaptDale - is secretly British" (captdale) 07/14/2017 at 14:41 • Filed to: personal problems, Oppohelp

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*personal Buffer*

So Oppo, some of you may recall my posts about hating my job, though to be honest that may have been FB and not here, but everything is blending together and that is half the issue. The other half of the issue is my job sucks and I don’t like living on the Central Coast anymore. The only thing that could change that would be opening a business idea TFRITCH and I have, but we have neither the funds or the credit to accomplish that now. So I have two options and I can’t figure out which one I should choose.

Option 1: Easier, but less

My first option is to move back into my mother’s house and live there again. She really wants this and I am sure would help support my goals and living there if I needed. The plan there would be get a job, finish school, pay her rent etc. Basically what I am doing now, but 200 miles south and in Long Beach instead of SLO. The problem I have with this plan is I would have the same cost of living and probably still struggle to do school and work and pay all my bills just like I do now. I also can’t find a job I am qualified to do and make enough to support life itself. Or so it seems anyway. I also have this gut feeling of not wanting to go back to living there. I don’t want to be there deep down, but my brain tells me this is what I should do for easy of life. Living at home, a place I know, a place I can see old friends, and Mom even said I could put my project car in the garage to work on. So that is a definite plus... but I still don’t know

Option 2: Harder, but more

My other option is move to Denver. Why Denver you ask? Well my guy friend just moved back there (was from there originally) and he has been pestering me to visit and to move out there instead of home. So last weekend I took Monday off because I work a half day Saturdays and drove out there. 15 hours out there 30 hours there and 15 hours back. It was amazing. I have been to Colorado before but never Denver and it was amazing. Just thinking about living there puts a smile on my face. All the outdoors stuff I could do and being somewhere new and exciting would be so great! But then I think oh god I don’t know many people there, I don’t have the savings to get a place right off the bat (I know I could stay with friends at first), and I have to find a job. Though that last one I have to do moving to either place, but just a quick search on Google and I have found a bunch of cool things I could apply for and probably get. Though school may get a back seat at first, it will happen eventually. My gut and my heart want me to go to Denver, but my mind says that it is a stupid idea.

I just want to be able to be happy and I don’t know where I will be happier, but my gut says Denver. What should I do Oppo?

Quadradeuce > CaptDale - is secretly British 07/14/2017 at 14:50

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How old are you?

MarquetteLa > CaptDale - is secretly British 07/14/2017 at 14:50

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I moved to Denver 3 years ago and haven’t looked back since. It’s pretty great here. Unemployment rate is really low, too:  2.3%  

CaptDale - is secretly British > Quadradeuce 07/14/2017 at 14:53

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Leadbull > CaptDale - is secretly British 07/14/2017 at 15:12

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You’re still young and mobile enough to follow your gut, so don’t miss your golden window of opportunity.

I moved back to my hometown after graduating last year, and I’ll probably stay put a little while longer after getting married this fall. But I know that if I want to move somewhere else, I need to do it in the next couple of years or that proposition will become significantly harder.

Everyone I’ve talked to tells me it’s easier to be adventurous when you’re young and stupid.

Chuckles > CaptDale - is secretly British 07/14/2017 at 15:16

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It never gets easier to go back to school as you get older. If you’re certain that you want to go back to school, and you know what you’re going to go to school for, take the path that gets you graduated the quickest, with the smallest amount of debt. The longer you wait, the less time you’ll have in the working world to use that degree to your advantage and earn more. It becomes a losing equation once you get over a certain age. You’re nowhere near that age yet, but the sooner you finish school the sooner you could get a good paying job in a place like Denver.

If you’re unsure about going to school, ignore my advice.

random001 > MarquetteLa 07/14/2017 at 15:22

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Have you spent any amount of time in Ohio, Dayton specifically? We love the culture and how nice people are here, but I’ve loved the Idea of Colorado for a long time.

Yowen - not necessarily not spaghetti and meatballs > CaptDale - is secretly British 07/14/2017 at 15:23

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I would say the short answer is: you are young, move out of your comfort zone. You may never get that chance again.

As long as it is a carefully weighed move. Is this guy friend a romantic interest? If so, make sure to also make an effort to meet people outside of his circle of friends. So you are your own person in addition to being in the relationship. Join some clubs, car, yoga, kickball, whatever you are into. You should be fine in a booming area like Denver as far as friends go.

I spent 24 hours in Denver and I have a friend there, lol. My girlfriend and I were there and split an Uber with him to a bar, he ended up hanging out with us (and my girlfriends friends in Denver) all night and we still keep in touch.

Quadradeuce > CaptDale - is secretly British 07/14/2017 at 15:23

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I wouldn’t move back in with your mom. That’s a step backwards, even if it takes some pressure off. You’re still young, and can afford to make some mis-steps. Fortune favors the bold, so I would go with your gut and head to Denver.

I started my company at age 26. Today, 10 years later, I would never be so bold. I have kids, a mortgage, etc, now. If you’re unencumbered, go out and look for your opportunity. Roll the dice.

Chariotoflove > CaptDale - is secretly British 07/14/2017 at 15:25

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I’m reading this through, and the thing that jumps out at me is that you mostly talk about short term plans, although you make vague reference to the long term when you mention school. So, what I’m going to ask you to do is think about what your long term goals are, if you have any concrete ones, and how each option supports or impairs pursuit of those goals.

Don’t go home because it’s easier, do it if it helps you get where you want to go with your life, or if it allows you to get the breather you need to gather yourself for another direction, because otherwise it’s a step back in your development. In general, going home should usually be a temporary option with a defined endpoint in site.

Denver is new and exciting, but how does it further your goals? This can be a good direction for your personal development, but you won’t have as much of a support system out there; so, you want some kind of a plan. Will you be going to school to pursue a dream profession? Then, get accepted to the school of your choice first. Do you want to start that business? Then, plan out in advance what cost of living will be, how much you can expect to make at the job you take, and how much you can save toward that.

If you don’t have well formed long term goals right now, and you just want to get out of where you are, then go with your heart. If you love Denver, and you’re up for an adventure, then have at it. You’re young enough that you can try stuff like this with your life and still change course if it doesn’t pan out. Just make sure to still plan ahead of the move beyond arriving with a duffle bag and a plan to crash on a friend’s couch.

Good luck!

DipodomysDeserti > CaptDale - is secretly British 07/14/2017 at 15:26

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Go back to school now. I’m thirty with two kids amd a mortgage going back to school to firther my degree. It is going to suck.

random001 > CaptDale - is secretly British 07/14/2017 at 15:26

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Here’s the thing. Home will always be there, yeah? Id take a chance on Denver if it were me.

themanwithsauce - has as many vehicles as job titles > CaptDale - is secretly British 07/14/2017 at 15:51

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Ship out to Denver. Do odd jobs and small time stuff if you have to for a bit. Taking some measure of risk can be good in the long run, even if it backfires. You try, you fail, you learn, you grow, you try again - but better this time!

RallyWrench > CaptDale - is secretly British 07/14/2017 at 16:01

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It’s nice having you around here, but I often forget you’re a fair bit younger than me (that’s a compliment)... Given that, get out of your comfort zone, as it were, try something else. 26 is when I moved away from here to go racing for the first time, and that leap of faith is what has led to me still getting calls to work in racing today, and showed me a lot of other places in the country I liked. It also taught me that I fucking hate big cities and never want to live in one again, a valuable lesson. You never know what it’ll bring if you don’t jump once in awhile. I’d also love to try Colorado, not Denver, but somewhere smaller. Beautiful state.

MarquetteLa > random001 07/14/2017 at 16:01

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No, I’ve never been to Ohio.

CaptDale - is secretly British > random001 07/14/2017 at 16:02

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That is kinda what I am thinking

CaptDale - is secretly British > DipodomysDeserti 07/14/2017 at 16:03

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Well I will never have kids.

CaptDale - is secretly British > Yowen - not necessarily not spaghetti and meatballs 07/14/2017 at 16:04

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This I like

CaptDale - is secretly British > Chuckles 07/14/2017 at 16:05

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I just don’t know if I even would have anything to do after school.

CaptDale - is secretly British > Chariotoflove 07/14/2017 at 16:06

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Thanks youea, I have almost zero idea what i want for my future... I did, but those plans fell through years ago.... So yeah

CaptDale - is secretly British > RallyWrench 07/14/2017 at 16:13

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Well then I’ll get some roots there and we can open our business out there...

But yeah it is looking better and better to go there than home as I think about it. Gosh I would absolutely love to do something race car related. Too bad I am not a certified Tech or raced almost at all.

I like cities, but I have yet to live in the city. Grew up in the suburbs-ish. So this will be a nice experience. If I don’t like it there are plenty of small towns very close to Denver.

Chuckles > CaptDale - is secretly British 07/14/2017 at 16:15

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For financial reasons, I wouldn’t recommend going to school for a degree unless you had a pretty good idea what jobs are available with that degree, and how much they pay. The question shouldn’t be “what do I want to go to school for?” The question should be “what career do I want to have, and what do I need to go to school for in order to have that career?” I realize that’s a pretty huge question, but going to school without having a plan for afterwards can be a waste of money. Maybe you don’t need to go to school for what you want to do. Maybe you just need specialized training. And just because a college has a program in “Underwater Basket Weaving” doesn’t mean that there’s a job market for people with that degree.

CaptDale - is secretly British > Chuckles 07/14/2017 at 16:16

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Oh I know... trust me I know.

RallyWrench > CaptDale - is secretly British 07/14/2017 at 16:28

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There’s loads of great car stuff there, and I’ve got buddies nearby. We even did a World Challenge street race in downtown in ‘06, it was really cool. Great shops and dealers too.

CaptDale - is secretly British > RallyWrench 07/14/2017 at 16:46

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A street race sounds awesome!

nermal > CaptDale - is secretly British 07/14/2017 at 17:08

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Do anything except moving back in with your parents. That’s moving backwards, not moving forwards.

If you’re having trouble getting funds for school, look into a job at a large company that offers tuition reimbursement. Bam, $3,500 (or more!) in school funds per year.

Here’s a good start:

http://college.usatoday.com/2017/04/17/15-companies-that-help-employees-pay-for-college/

CaptDale - is secretly British > nermal 07/14/2017 at 17:30

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Thank you for the help

Highlander-Datsuns are Forever > CaptDale - is secretly British 07/14/2017 at 18:56

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Seems like you know what you want to do, get’er done. first watch things to do in Denver when you are dead.

Chuckles > CaptDale - is secretly British 07/14/2017 at 19:17

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It’s not an easy choice, and I don’t have the answer for you. I took the scenic route after high school. My path after high school looks like this:

-Go to college for architecture

-Drop out of architecture program, study hotel and restaurant management

-Drop out of college, work at a warehouse

-Move out

-Work as a waiter

-Quit that to sell mattresses

-Quit that to sell sunrooms

-Realize that sales are terrible, go to community college for nothing in particular

-Move back home

-Decide to study chemistry, transfer to a local college and commute.

-Graduate with a BS in Chemistry at 26, get a job in the pharma industry.

It’s not at all what I though I’d be doing, but it pays the bills and I don’t hate it. Also, I never work weekends so that’s nifty. I hope you figure out what works for you, and I’m sure that the relationship complicates things. Good luck.

CaptDale - is secretly British > Chuckles 07/14/2017 at 20:03

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The relationship is odd to begin with. It is more like a SO without the benefits... Anyway that is another thing. More like just friends with relationship and some benefits...

God I fucking hate working Saturdays.

CaptDale - is secretly British > Highlander-Datsuns are Forever 07/14/2017 at 20:04

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Never heard of that... I wonder if it is on Amazon.

Highlander-Datsuns are Forever > CaptDale - is secretly British 07/14/2017 at 20:08

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Chuckles > CaptDale - is secretly British 07/14/2017 at 20:09

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Working weekends is terrible. What was more terrible was working with men who were as old as my father but earned about as much as I did. I looked around and said “is this as good as it’s going to get?”

CaptDale - is secretly British > Chuckles 07/14/2017 at 20:13

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Dude!!!!!! Yeah I feel that right now. Like my upward motion is 1 position that wouldn’t happen for a very long time from now if I stay where I am. My immediate coworker does make more than me by some amount but he has also been here 16 years.... 16 years doing the same thing. I am 25 and have had like 8 different jobs since I was 16. I have been here for almost 5, but 16 just seems ridiculous. He has even said, “I could look for another job, but what would I do after all this time?” I don’t want that.

Chuckles > CaptDale - is secretly British 07/14/2017 at 20:29

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It’s hard to answer the question of “what do you want to do with your life?” I never had an answer, and I still don’t, other than “have a career that allows me to afford the lifestyle that I enjoy.” I don’t want to live in a mansion, but I also don’t want to live in a cardboard box. I don’t want kids (and I’m lucky enough to be with someone who agrees with me on that). I want a house with a yard for my dog and a garage for my Miata. I want to be able to afford to own a fun car alongside my daily driver. I’ve also had to make compromises. I know that because I spent a lot of time fucking around in my 20's, I might never afford a supercar. Oh well. I’m happy with what I’ve got.

If you don’t know what you want to do for a career, ask yourself what do you want out of life? Do you want to travel, own exotic cars, go on expensive trips, and live in a big house? Whatever it is, find a job that supports the lifestyle you want. And if you figure out what you’re passionate about, try to find a way to use that to support that lifestyle.